Well I was fixin' to start supper soon, but now that you're here I reckon I can share some of these new previews with ya. It's a mixed bag, I gotta say here at the Trailer Park. Same as the little ones Halloweenie treats. We been feasting on their haul since the 31st. I got some Snicker stew on the boil if ya want some.
The neighbors say I feed the kids too much sugar or some nonsense, makes 'em all hyper-active. At least none of mine were born with flippers for hands. Though the other day, the oldest came and asked for braces. I said, "Honey, your teeth are perfectly straight". And then they said, "No, for my legs." Well I just used a broom handle to push 'em back under the porch where they belong. Sometimes you gotta give kids some tough love.
Fix - The classic road movie formula with all the slickness of a TRL commercial break. Parody and satire seem void in what could make this a worthy tale.
Shadow Play - A guy cleans things to forget about the people that died, maybe people he killed. Me, I just take off the clown suit.
The Tortured - The producers of SAW say it's no fun unless the whole family can get some. So here you'll find parents going ape-shit on the man that wronged their son. Torture porn never felt so cheap.
The Blackout - Looks about as scary as an camp fire tale of SNICK's ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK? I'd bet a donut it's the same kids all grown up too.
Love - Not sure if it's supposed to play like MOON or a music video. I'm guessing this is what happens when astronauts drink too much Tang.
The Cry of the Owl - It's a scary version of the GIRLFRIEND 2000 episode of Chris Elliot's "Get A Life". Seriously, it is. YouTube that, ya lazy bugger. I can't give you all the links.
Smokin' Aces 2: Assassin's Ball - Now any title with the words "ass" and "ball" and having anything to do with smoking would normally never make this site. I mean, think of the children. But You probably wouldn't hear about it otherwise since it's heading to the land of bargain dvds straight outta the gate. I wanted to like the first one, it was like a Vegas buffet plate with buffalo wing hitmen, chinese food psychotics, sushi vixens, pizza special effects, but in the end I just got bad indigestion. Who's hungry all of a sudden?
Star Crash - Not anything new, but this gem of WTF-ness manages to rip off every conceivable sci-fi franchise in one fell swoop. I want to be a Teamster on that gig. Remember kids, without ME, it's just AWESO.
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