Have you ever had a whitehead on your eyeball, Mary? - Dom Woganowski

Hmmm, we was hopin' to put this here double wide up on wheels and make it out to Utah for that there Sundance Film circle jerk, but we got stuck on our spot rental with the Trailer Park.

What good is havin' a mobile home if you can't well be mobile? We were fixin' to trade off some of these here previews for meth and guns. God bless them Mormons. But since you're here, I reckon we can come to some sort of arrangement.

Got any Kools on ya?








Blood into Wine - Maynard from Tool is schilling wine with Alice from Raccoon City and half the cast of Mr. Show. Chug-a-lug.


Toe to Toe - It's like 8 MILE meets an Abercrombie ad. Stop checking out my butt.


Mother - It's a who-dun-it, but the twist is Mom is on the case. It's also from the same guy that brought us THE HOST so there's definitely gonna be some style to the substance. I was kinda reminded of BRICK watching the trailer. My interest is peeked.


Nightscape - I'm not even sure where to start with this. It's got an almost LET THE RIGHT ONE IN vibe to it. And a pulsating blood sac is always reason enough to take Grandma to the movies.


Phobidilia - What's real on the inside when the outside world comes crashing in? Well not being able to afford a new apartment because you spent your savings on Internet sex chat rooms. These are problems all of us can relate to.


Marmaduke - Fire exists to kill this with.


Exit Through the Gift Shop - Legendary street artist Banksy made a film about a guy trying to make a film about him. It's JACKASS style shenanigans for the sake of art and minus the poo eating. Well, one can hope.

This isn't a standoff. I've got the gun. - Capt. Riley Hale

Ok, time to take a break from illegally downloading mp3s and developing a new fetish only the Internet can nurture.

If you take a gander over at Bloody-Disgusting.com they're having a monster voting poll for the best in horror blogging.

Some of faves have made the cut, so offer up some support, or at least click a link to find out why I think they're so awesome. No preferential treatment here, they all kick my ass at the same time.

All Things Horror

Chuck Norris Ate My Baby

Dollar Bin Horror

Freddy in Space

Heart in a Jar

I Like Horror Movies

Jaded Viewer


Planet of Terror

Tower Farm Reviews

Zombies Don't Run

Oduction Productions

Don't ask me to vote for just one, I honestly think they're should be more contestants up there. Think of it like the Olympics of Words; to the DEATH. But seriously, I can't pick one. That's like asking a mother to pick her favorite child. And I'll just smother them all so you can't enjoy them. Maybe that's why I don't get asked to baby sit much...

I wasn't nominated, but maybe this button will stare into your soul and force you to choose.

And now your moment of zen...*

*Sidenote: Team Coco should root for him to go to Comedy Central to follow Stewart instead of FOX. Just saying.

Sometimes it's easier livin' the lie. - Carl Hanratty

It's the weekend and I know all you shut ins are clamoring for your fix of free entertainment. I've awakened the demons for a splendid night indoors with Movies with a Z.

Enjoy the mayhem on the midway.






Ghoulies II

I'm the guy who's telling you the way it is. - Chili Palmer

This may be, hands down, the most epic way to spend ten minutes of your day.



And in summation of how awesome that was, here's my closing argument...

Gentlemen, I wash my hands of this weirdness. - Jack Sparrow

I love the word free. It's my favorite four letter word. It's pretty awesome when it's in front of the word "music". So if you click here you can download the latest mashup: Wu-Tang Clan vs The Beatles for FREE.

Not to be out done, but if you click here, you can download the beats of Alex Goose. He constructed these melodies for Jay Z's new album The Blueprint 3, but they were decided against for what you can now buy where ever. Listening conjures up thoughts of what might have been, and hopefully some plucky DJ will make those dreams a reality.

This is another interesting tid bit of Internet free music involving Hova as February 24th, 2004 was declared Grey Tuesday. This open protest of defiance sought to reform copyright law with the underground smash of DJ Danger Mouse's latest efforts offered to the public depsite EMI's efforts to block the endeavor. Click here to download the Grey Album for free.




Without these efforts to rehash/alter/reprogram/manipulate music, you may never be able to enjoy the pure danceable absurdity that is DJ Lobsterdust.

My kind of people would say, "Kiss my ass, Scarface." - Xander Cage

Awhile back I posted a bunch of fan films, and I'm at it again.


I've cruised the back alleys for the best of the fan made so you wouldn't have to get your hands dirty. Sit back and enjoy all the nerd-core that is to be had.


It may smell of Clearasil and Code Red Mountain Dew, but you're looking at me like that's a bad thing.








The Origins of Darkwing

A live action telling of everyone's favorite feathered crime fighter.

Maniac Cop

Slap a Roman Numeral on the end of the title and you could probably loop this on late night Cinemax for the next week and a half.

Lil Dead

The heartwarming tale of the Necronomican told with kids. It has all the feel and fun of the original in my opinion.

The Horror Picture Revenge

An interesting premise that was briefly explored in LAST ACTION HERO.

Silent Hill: Penance

Don't really see the story here, but they nailed the look and the vibe of it all and in Hollywood that's all that really matters.

Return of the Ghostbusters

Imagine if Vankman got his way and franchised ghost bustin'? New suits, new ghosts, and a sharp love for the original.

The Crow: Devil's Night

This could easily be a sequel. At least the guy playing Draven looks more like him than Edward Furlong.

Punisher '79

A fantastic looking intro that sets up the junkie filled streets of late 70s New York. Jig-Saw's makeup kinda threw me off, but all in all, I want more War Journals.

I still have your underwear. - Paulie Bleeker

Time the shine the light on some awesome.


Sarah Douglas

Sarah Douglas is the embodiment of tempestuous evil. The heady scientist with grand designs for the big picture. The sinister queen with dark motives. The skilled mystic with the answers to the unknown. An alligator just skimming the surface for it's next chance at prey. She could morph into any role, usually depicting the dark side of nature.

Her film career has been filled with sword battles, lasers, monster suits, zombies, loin cloths, robots, explosions, and tons of other fun ways to spend the 80s. She's voiced cartoons and given many in the throws of puberty their first tingling that bad is good.

Hell, she was even in MEATBALLS 4 with Corey Feldman!

Here are some choice cuts to snack on, but you should definitely revisit her body of work and if you're unfamiliar, you better act like you know.

Return of Swamp Thing



Return of the Living Dead 3



Conan the Destroyer



Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time



Superman II



Solar Babies



Puppter Master 3: Toulon's Revenge



You can check her website here and even order up an autographed photo!

Sarah Douglas, where ever you are; I salute you.

Our methods have not differed as much as you pretend. I am but a shadowy reflection of you. - Dr. Rene Belloq

I'm gonna start your weekend off a bit early with Movies with a Z.


You been hustlin' all week. Now it's time to watch how the pros do it. Hopefully you'll learn the art of gettin' over. This includes, but is not limited knowing the proper technique to handcuff lightning, chain thunder, walk through a graveyard and set the dead at a wonder.





Here's a Trailer before the show.




Monkey Hustle




If that doesn't do it for ya, here's a Star Wars themed Burlesque show.




Now go make the most of your weekend.

I don't like violence, Tom. I'm a businessman; blood is a big expense.- Virgil 'The Turk' Sollozzo

Seems they finally found out where I been here at the Trailer Park. All them credit card companies started tyin' up my phone line wantin' their credit back. Damn mail box if off the hinge with claim notices and the like. I offered to send 'em the youngin's toys that I used it to buy 'em all come Christmas, but they weren't hearin' that. I reckon I can appreciate that too. What would anyone go and do with a broken Transformer robot or one of the Bratz dolls?

Look I got these here previews for ya. I know you like 'em. You're always come sniffin' round for more. Whatta ya say I let you have this bundle real cheap like an' you can take one of these credit notes off me? Or maybe yo wanna step inside an' we can work somethin' out?









The Company Men - This trailer plays like an advert for Ambien and makes me want to fall asleep just as hard.


Heist - This may be the best student film ever. Wait, I gotta pay to watch this? And I can't ridicule with a grade afterward? FFFFFFFfffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuu....


Ironclad - It's not even done shooting yet! But Brian Cox swing a broadsword; I'm in.


Tales from the Script - A peek at the insides of film making from the beginning; the script and the process of making that magic.


Penance - The producer of AUTOMATON TRANSFUSION wrangled up Candy Man and Henry the Serial Killer in a revisit of late 70s horror hospital exploitation. I like to think of it as a video essay on the current Health Care bill.


Red Riding - One film. Three epochs of storytelling. Three directors to guide the way through this whodunit. This neo-noir has the teeth, but will it have the bite?

You're meddling with powers you cannot possibly comprehend. - Dr. Marcus Brody

I should probably be doing something a tad more productive with my time today.


But like any good excuse, I blame the Internet.


So in taking you to the same place of lethargy and in the spirit of the Lorax, I present...










Homunculus

I create the bodies. I don't erase the bodies. - Bad Boy Lincoln

There's a lot of love floating around the Internet now. And not the kind that'll land you on "To Catch a Predator".

Recently I was mentioned by Geof of Enter the Man Cave for a Kreativ Blogger award and he then promptly awarded me a One Lovely Blogger award.

Why a teacup of roses you're asking yourself. Well here's my opinion.

Replace the word "Cowboy" with Blogger, and you're halfway there.


Now for me, that's pretty awesome. The folks that awarded Geof and the writers he follows are all Jedi that roam the galaxy known as cyber-space. I feel like the adopted son of a moisture farmer all of a sudden.


I would like to direct your attention outside the aircraft, over the left wing, as these amazing blogs take off into the stratosphere. Enjoy the ride.

These come in no particular order, just like your favorite mix tape. They just keep on rockin' throughout.

I Like Horror Movies by Carl. - I nominate him for A/V Club President.

Basement of Ghoulish Decadence by Jayson - Where V-H-S can turn you on as much as S-E-X.

The Horror Effect by Becky - Why can't she have her own reality show? Seriously.

Freddy in Space by Johnny Mortis - He's kinda the Boba Fett of Horror blogging.

All Things Horror by Mike & Chris - They will drown your brain in red colored Karo syrup. In a good way.

Haunt Style by Bones - Halloween all year round.

Girl on a Mission - A genuine lady into comics, modelling, video games, cosplay and other random acts of awesome.

The Art and Random Adventures of Eric Tan - Proof that you can call art "doodles".

J. Astro @ The Cheap Bin - I wonder if he's taking applicants for Project Mayhem yet.

Tower Farm Reviews by Billy & Jeremy. If they can agree on the state of Horror, then there's hope for an end to the Star Trek/Star Wars gang feud.

Matt Madden - Artist, Teacher, Blogger. Each of those concerns the meaning of life; Comic Books.

Pulp Sunday by Francesco Francavilla - As old school and likely to melt your face as prohibition made Gin.

The Larsen Project by Christine Larsen - Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I never get tired of looking at her work.

Jay 22 Toys - He makes toys. Toys that look like they'll eat you. That's the point.

The Jaded Viewer - Spin Kicks as a rating system is what the world needs more of.

Toy Cutter - Putting the "action" back in "action figure".

3-D Monster by Dan-O - Retroactively reliving the childhood we always wanted.

Covered by Robert Goodin - Comic book covers made radioactive.

If you're mentioned above, proudly copy & paste the award to your blog with a link back to yours truly when you nominate 15 other bloggers that are close to your heart or where ever you keep your valuables.

Happy Huntin'.

Well ya know, for me, the action is the juice. - Michael Cheritto

The weekend's here again and you know what you need? No, I'll tell you what you need. You need some anime in your diet. That's where Movies with a Z comes to help.

Quit slackin' off and get on it. It's a New Year and your resolution to do whatever is crap. How about you commit to watching 2D rendered starcrafts blow up? How about rockin' out to some 80s synth rock soundtracks? You need to add words like "Gundam" and "War Machine" to your vocabulary before every slackjaw starts babbling about Iron Man 2. You have any idea how hard it is to draw flowing blood from a 12 foot tall cyborg?

Sit back, turn off your cell phone, and enjoy.


MD GEIST: THE DIRECTOR'S CUT



For being a good sport, here's a dose of DUKE NUKE'EM eye candy.

This is getting embarassing. - Rannulph Junuh

The heat don't seem to wanna kick on in the double wide. It's as cold as a witch's tit in an iron bra round the Trailer Park.


We been doublin' up for body heat, but last winter that's how we ended up with the twins and the other ones 'fore that. You don't see TLC givin' us no reality kiddie show. I might even claim a few more if that were the case. All I got is this here herd of rugrats and these Christmas decorations to take down.


I reckon, neither one of 'em is going away anytime soon.





The Burbank Playas Present: Manipede! - Imagine if the Kids in the Hall got stoned with Christopher Guest and his gang and decided to make an Ed Wood style flick. That's the problem with Hollywood today, not enough people mingling at my fictious parties.




From Paris With Love - What a long winding road it's been since LOOK WHO'S TALKING. Action flicks normally don't jive for Vinnie Babarino (BATTLEFIELD EARTH, BROKEN ARROW), but this could be his next FACE/OFF.




Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll - I almost thought this was a documentary about Gary Glitter.




Armless - A love story about a guy looking for someone to wipe his butt after he gets his arms amputated. I can see the Hallmark cards now.




Necrosis - Mix an ounce of EVIL DEAD and a shot of DEAD SNOW, pepper with THE HILLS HAVE EYES and serve over crushed ice. Warms you right up on a wintery night.




Tony - A lonely sociopath, with a penchant for action films, tries to make any human connection in the grim streets of London. The lesson learned; when you can't make friends, you kill enemies. I learned the same thing in Cub Scouts.

That's not exactly some shit you just forget. - James Edwards

From the bowels of Just Because comes another edition in the spirit of it's previous incarnations BOOB, THE HORRIBLY SLOW MURDERER WITH THE EXTREMELY INEFFICIENT WEAPON, and TREEVENGE.


I present the Grindhouse version of THE LORAX.

I smell a whole refashioned Seuss franchise on the horizon.

I guess sometimes the past just catches up with you, whether you want it to or not. - Paul Edgecomb

So I am coming to realize how awesome the Internet is. Sure, there's free porn for whatever fetish tickles your fancy, discount sales on Star Wars toys & ninja stars, and you can see how fat an ex girl/boyfriend has grown thanks to FaceBook, but I've grown to learn what it means when you present who you are to the world.

I've only started blogging very recently, less than a year ago. I did so thanks to how easy it was to update and how crap I am at HTML. I've always had a knack for finding weird stuff to impress/embarrass/gross out my friends, who would all respond, "You should have a website, someone would actually appreciate that."

I started writing with a clear purpose. To force my hand at writing and interaction on a wider platform. I seek to engage through entertainment, no matter how skewed I may present it. I've never been a wall flower, but I still have the same friends I met in 1st grade. Seriously. Moving to New York City from Lorain, Ohio has it's difficulties with making friends and I often retreat due to my nature than stay and play. I like to think Frankenstein would've never created his monster if he had few more drinking buddies to drag him outta the lab. But my monster is alive, and I like to believe growing stronger. I'm not shy, but I've always been told my taste in films/books/comics/etc. is a tad subversive, that most folks don't understand that and consequently cannot relate to it. That it should read as "me".

With my blog, it's exactly who I am. I am an unapologetic fan of D-grade horror films, gallons of red dyed Karo syrup, zombies, men in giant Monster suits, giant transforming robots, gratuitous nudity, unnecessary explosions, Adult animation, poorly crafted puppets, graffiti art, chop-socky & poorly dubbed Kung Fu. I stake my name and reputation on it. It's not only who I am, but makes up why am this way. By reading these words, you know what I say to be as true to as who I am if we met and shared a moment in real life.

It's truly refreshing to have those out there that I admire for their commitment to blogging take an interest in what I do. These are writers of a fine, fine caliber. Looking for more insight, click here for my earlier thoughts. This is hard work; writing new posts, building an audience, staying current, finding the time in the daily grind to post again, and usually doing it all without thanks or a paycheck. At best, all you can hope for is a bit of recognition; a gentle nod to a fellow traveler on the information superhighway for keeping on the best way they know how.

That being said, I wouldn't have it any other way. Anything worthwhile in life is hard work. It's a grind and the hustle never stops, even if you do. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it, rather than just complaining about it. The goal is to find your slice of happiness and fight to be the last one with the biggest chunk of it in the end. Doing this helps empty my head of things so I can think and function. Ultimately, it's my problem given to you for your enjoyment. The price? You deal with it now.

I was recently given an honorable mention by Geof from ENTER THE MAN CAVE for him winning the "Kreativ Blogger" award. It's well deserving as his blog is full of fun and mischief. People open bars hoping guys like him will drink in them and school the uneducated masses like Socrates would do if he had grown up on Bruce Campbell, Darth Vader, and the Three Stooges and was left with reruns of WrestleMania as a babysitter.

Now I'm not entirely sure how strictly I have to adhere to the rules on this since he's the one that won, but according to being nominated:

The Rules Which MUST Be Followed
1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award.
4. Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting.
5. Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.
6. Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.
7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they have been nominated

I'm going to take a moment and add one of my one, because, Hey, this is my blog.

8. You can't nominate a blog that has been previously nominated. There's more than enough hungry mouths at this table.

1) So, first things first. Geof, Thanks for the mention and the love. I'm glad I can brighten your day with a chuckle at the random shit I find and then subsequently post on this blog for you to enjoy. If they still made those Bud Light "Real Men of Genius" ads, I'd write one about you that I'm sure no one would want to hear me sing.

2) I didn't necessarily get nominated as I did get mentioned so I won't post the flowery little logo here, as I'm not quite sure I deserve it. But that doesn't mean someone else can't officially nominate me and then force my hand to do so.

3) Enter the Man-Cave. I say this should've been the tagline for BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN.

7 THINGS THAT ARE INTERESTING ABOUT ZACH

1) If you're ever unlucky enough to watch the film DESCENT, I completely ruin the classroom scene where the teacher gets berated by sitting directly next to Rosario Dawson.
2) I've held jobs as a substitute teacher, a dishwasher, a portrait photographer, assistant director, a tennis instructor at a summer camp, a medieval dinner theater actor, a carpenter, line cook, bartender, art director, set dresser, waiter, produce clerk, phone solicitor, art model, and most recently, production assistant.
3) I have a zombie survival plan. Not some hipster come lately/ain't this cool now mentality crap, but a time tested, regimented list of items and actions to insure the safety and survival of myself and those deemed skill worthy of my plan. Seriously. I know a few friends that jokingly tell me that they have me on speed dial for the apocalypse. Seriously.
4) I have rated near 1800 films on NetFlix. Honestly. Meaning that it doesn't get a star unless I've scene it ALL the way through.
5) Pee Wee Herman is the only celebrity I've ever written a fan letter.
6) I love things artificially flavored with banana, but I can't stomach cottage cheese.
7) The first concert I ever remember going to is Three Dog Night. The drummer gave me one of his broken sticks. I was 6.

5) For my 7 Nominees: First I gotta give Geof kudos on having great taste. Becky at Horror Effect, Carl at I Like Horror Movies, and J. Astro at Cheap Bin are all rock stars. They're the gang of kids that beat you to the video store and rented all the cool movies before you got there. Then you're forced to look in the back room and troll the dusty bottom shelves to find your evening's entertainment until you realize it was all part of their plan to bring you into their sordid world. I salute you. If you're not reading their blogs, then you should be Amish. That's the only excuse I'm willing to accept.

1) Freddy In Space - Johnny Mortis has a lock on all things horror. I'm convinced if we shared the same high school I probably wouldn't have graduated. The way doctors love to help people or the way teachers love to educate is exactly the duality that embodies this man's writing. It's also pretty rad that he keeps you up to date with all the best horror prizes via Win Free Horror Shit!. Two for the price of one.

2) All Things Horror - Mike Snoonian and Chris Hallock are the Hardy Boys of Horror. Together they tackle all the mysteries and allure of the things that go bump in the night. Rarely will you find a review or opinion that you disagree with and wish you would've thought of first.

3) Comedy by Default - My good buddy Jason Flowers is an aspiring comedian and writer. I've known him since junior high and can't think of anyone that makes me laugh as hard as Bill Cosby. Minus the sweaters and Jell-O pops.

4) For Me, For You - Kate Miss is talented. Like almost makes you sick to realize how she's able to accomplish half the stuff she's able to talented. She designs her own jewelry (got the girlfriend one for Xmas = huge hit), has her own Etsy site for her prints, and she's always up for freewheeling design. Kate has a sense of style that is so simplistic and true it reminds you of the beauty of the world around you if you just took a moment to notice. She's also one of the first people to tell me about what "community" meant when referring to blogging.

5) Assorted Loaf - I dare anyone to even know a 1/3 of the films this guy reviews. All I know is in heaven, he holds my feet during keg stands while Jesus counts.

6) King of Crayons - This is proof that art is what you want it to be, depending on how hard you work at it and if you can still find the sierra brown.

7) Geek Orthodox - A crazed man in a luchador mask wants to show you his toys. Nuff said.

My Honorable Mentions:

Basement of Ghoulish Decadence - Jayson, I would dump my childhood memories like Keanu reeves did in JOHNNY MNEMONIC to own half of your video collection just so I could enjoy it all over again.

Tower Farm Reviews - Billy and Jeremy run the gauntlet of film, laying waste to all and leaving behind nothing but a trail of the dead and by dead I mean truth.

The World of Ross Campbell - Peek inside the surreal and wonderful world of this super talented artist/writer/super hero.

Aqua Bear Legion - I posted about them before, but my friends run an amazing collective of awesome bands and best of all you can download albums and MP3s for FREE!


So hopefully I played the game by the rules or Jigsaw will bear trap my face. (I took the Samara/TV thing and ran with it Geof) The nominees I dropped are all super cool, and would ever need my approval for you to check them out. The important thing is that you do and spread the love.